Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
