I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
