I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
