we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hippo gnu deer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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