i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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