I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
