The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
