I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
