I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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