While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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