He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
