Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
