I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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