We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
