who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
