If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's get the cat blown out
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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