I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I enjoy the company of your penis
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