Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
