I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
