I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
3 2 1 whiskey
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
