I think im going to throw up on grandma
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
