Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
