Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
