Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
