Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
