Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
