So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
