Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
