On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
