my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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