Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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