Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
