and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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