I don't usually arrange sex via text message
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
