My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
