Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a hot homeless man
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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