you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
