you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
