Sry I called you an 8
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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