True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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