what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
