i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
