My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize