after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The air was thick with penises
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
