you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
