you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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