Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
