Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
