your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
