youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
