i just sent this text using only my big toe
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
