A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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