wanna go halves on a baby?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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