I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
