I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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