i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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