YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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