I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
sex in a hospital.. check
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize