well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
