he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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