why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
