literally had 100 drinks last night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
