uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
