so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
