happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
