all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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