my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
