My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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