Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
fuck your aforementioned shoe
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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