walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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