hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
