So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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